Hello, my name is Katie and this is my story.
I don't really remember much from my childhood except for my parents fighting constantly. I remember we lived in this really crappy house, there were holes in the walls from my dad. I remember my older brother, Donald, crying because my dad used to beat him.
Fast forward to 5th grade. I moved to Florida. One morning my mom woke up me and my 2 brothers. Donald & Kyle. I thought it was a normal school morning until she said pack your things. We're moving to Florida. All I could do was cry she said she had met someone off the internet that would she hurt and us better, his name was Carl. I called my best friend crying. The saddest thing was I saw my school bus go by with all my friends on it. I didn't get to say goodbye. We got into Florida just a few days before Halloween. We moved into this really nice house. Eventually I started school there. That's when I first experienced bullying. I got called fat and weird. Weird because I was quiet because I didn't know anybody. & fat because I was just fat, but I've always been bigger. We ended up losing the house we were at because we couldn't pay for it. We moved into Carl's moms house with his brothers. Things between my mom and Carl started getting worse. Donald and Carl would get into it, so he ended up going back to Michigan with my dad. My half sister Sam came down to spend Christmas with us. It was my first Christmas without my whole family and I hated it. A few days later my mom woke my younger brother, Kyle, and I up and once again said we're moving. She had everything already packed. While we were in the car my mom, sister, and Carl got into a fight. He ended up hitting my mom and sister. When we got back to Michigan in January we stayed with my moms friend. My parents ended up getting back together. We moved into this tiny house. It was pretty much falling apart, the bathroom floor was sinking in.
7th grade. When Myspace was cool. I made 2 profiles on there. One that my friends would see and one just for me. The one just for me was to talk to guys or girls. Anyone that would show any kind of interest in me, because I felt like complete shit about myself. I would get their numbers and send them nudes, sext them, or have phone sex with them. Whatever they wanted. Just to feel something. I was doing this for about 6 months. During this time my parents started fighting again. It once got so bad my dad just left us with no money. My mom couldn't work because of her back. He was gone for about 2 months. I thought this would finally be the end of my parents, I was actually hoping it was. My mom let him back into her life. For awhile I wouldn't even talk to him, but I got over it.
9th grade, freshman year. Probably my lowest year. That is when I started to self harm. What finally made me snap was my dad yelling at me calling me a liar. I grabbed and razor and just cut. And I couldn't stop after that. Like I became addicted. I started liking it. After all those years of hearing screaming ad crying and always being put down and feeling completely worthless i found a release. Then my older brother Donald started coming into my room at like 3 in the morning asking for hugs at first i didn't think anything of it, then something about them didn't feel right. I told my parents, which my dad said i'm just probably exaggerating. Then one day i found incest porn on his iPod which got me really scared. Then my parents finally said something to him and he stopped.
March 2012 I told my mom about me cutting. I told her it was partly because of my dad and my brother and the bullying. She told my dad and my dad just freaked out on me. He called me a fat piece of shit.
I told my mom I wanted to get help. So one morning she took me to a hospital and that morning once again my dad was freaking out. They took me to a place called Safe House. It was just like a regular house with 5 other kids. I got the help I needed.
December 2012, my older brother threatened to stab me, so I told my mom and she called the cops. He got sent to jail. I felt absolutely horrible. He was in there for Christmas.In January we were trying to get him out and my mom was putting all this pressure on me, like if I said one thing wrong he wouldn't get out. So I relapsed and cut again.
I haven't cut since then.
My relationship with my mom and little brother is amazing. And sometimes my dad and I can actually talk without feeling awkward. As for my brother he's still an asshole, but I love him.
YOU are strong enough to make it through. It's okay not to be okay. I'm always here if you need to talk. Stay strong! I love you.
